


I Don't Want To Live Without You

by MsEnglish101



Series: Someday [14]
Category: American Actor RPF, Chris Evans - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF
Genre: Angst, Cancer, F/M, Family Feels, Major Illness, Romance, Seizures, heart failure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-25
Updated: 2016-07-05
Packaged: 2018-07-18 03:26:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7297579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsEnglish101/pseuds/MsEnglish101
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Death cannot stop true love.  All it can do is delay it for a while."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Flatline

_I find myself in a strange situation_  
 _And I don't know how_  
 _What seemed to be an infatuation_  
 _Is so different now_  
 _I can't get by if we're not together_  
 _Ooh can't you see_  
 _Girl, I want you now and forever_  
 _Close to me_  
 _I'm longing for the time_  
 _I'm longing for the day_  
 _Hoping that you will promise to be mine_  
 _And never go away_  
  
_I don't want to live without you_  
 _I don't want to live without you_  
 _I could never live without you_  
 _Live without your love_  
  
_I ask myself but there's no explanation_  
 _For the way I feel_  
 _I know I've reached the right destination_  
 _And I know it's real_  
  
_I'm longing for the time_  
 _I'm longing for the day_  
 _When I'll be giving you this heart of mine_  
 _Believe me when I say_  
  
_I don't want to live without you_  
 _I don't want to live without you_  
 _I could never live without you_  
 _Live without your love_

 

I Don’t Want To Live Without You – Foreigner

 

Mid-July, 2010

 

            Chris looked over Joe Johnston’s shoulder for the umpteenth time, causing the director to chuckle at his young actor’s obvious nervousness.  “Chris, relax.  She’ll get here.  She and Linda are probably just stuck in midday London traffic.”

            Chris sighed and shook his head ruefully.  “I know, Joe, I’m sorry.  But Linda called my assistant earlier and told him that Cam had had a bad time during chemo this morning and to tell me to not be too alarmed at how pale and drawn she looks.”  He gave a helpless little shrug.  “What can I say, Joe?  I worry about her.  These past few weeks have been tough on her.  She’s healed up well from the surgery this June but they just can’t seem to get the post-operative chemotherapy right.  There’s a whole laundry list of possible side effects from chemo and it seems like Cam is checking every one of them off.”

            “Well, she does look like she’s lost some weight.”

            “Yeah, about twenty pounds so far.  She tries to eat, but more often than not, she can’t keep a lot of it down.”  Chris sighed again.  “Sorry, Joe,” he said to the director, “don’t mean to dump all this on you.”

            “Chris, come on.  You’re not dumping anything on anyone.  We all know that you and Cameron are going through a lot.  Seeing the woman you love go through these awful changes as she battles cancer can’t be easy.  Yet, you’ve been an absolute champ.  You come to work every day prepared, focused, and ready to take on the world.  You make my job easy.  I honestly wish I could clone you!”  Both men laughed.

            A few minutes later, Chris glanced yet again over Joe’s shoulder but this time he saw Linda, Cam’s private duty nurse, walking towards him.  A few paces behind was Cameron, her hand tucked firmly into the crook of Sebastian Stan’s elbow, her face turned up towards Seb’s as they chatted.  Cam had taken quickly to the young actor who was playing Bucky Barnes, Captain America’s best friend.  They’d immediately formed a mutual admiration society.  Sebastian was blown away:  he’d long been a fan of Cameron’s and now, here he was, one of her besties.  He often commented to Chris how surreal he thought that was.  Chris would laugh and ask him why.  “Seb, you’re a great guy!  Cam has got a good sense of people and she only gravitates towards those folks she knows won’t fuck her over.  She likes you, she wants to be friends.  Enjoy it.  But,” Chris would say, “don’t enjoy it too much.  The lady is very much spoken for.”  They would both laugh.

            Joe Johnston followed Chris’ eye line and saw that Cam had finally arrived…but something wasn’t right.  She didn’t seem very steady on her feet.  He watched as Sebastian brought up his free hand to steady her but it wasn’t enough.  Just as Cameron began to sink down to the ground, he felt Chris brush past him, yelling Cam’s name, sheer terror in his voice.

            Sebastian tried desperately to break Cam’s fall as she slumped against him and slid down to the floor.  He followed her down and was able to keep her from slamming her head on the concrete.  Linda and Chris skidded to a halt in front of them and Sebastian looked up, fear written all over his handsome face.  “We were talking about today’s shoot then all of a sudden, she started slurring her words…and then, this!”

            Chris dropped to his knees and slipped his hands under Cam’s head so he and Seb could keep her head cushioned from the hard floor.  Linda was also on her knees next to Cameron, quickly checking her vital signs and yelling for Zack, Chris’ assistant, to go get the set doctor and alert the EMS team that was always standing by in case of accidents on the set.  Suddenly, Cameron began shaking uncontrollably.  “She’s seizing!” Linda cried.  “Chris, Seb, roll her onto her side and hold her there.  If she vomits, I don’t want her aspirating it; it’ll get into her lungs and she’ll literally drown.”

            Frightened to death but determined to help Cam, Chris and Sebastian rolled her onto her right side so that she was facing Linda and they held her as steady as possible despite the violent jerking of her body.  Chris fought back tears as he watched Linda do what she could for Cam while they waited for the set doctor to arrive on the scene.  Moments later, just as Cameron’s body seemed to relax a bit, the doctor arrived with the EMS crew just a few steps behind him.  He and Linda discussed Cam’s vitals and she told the doctor, an older gentleman named Ridley, about Cameron’s recent strange reactions to her current course of chemotherapy.  The doctor, who had been introduced to Cameron and Linda and apprised of Cam’s situation when filming got underway, gently placed a hand on Cameron’s hip and muttered, “That is one hell of a reaction to chemo.  I’ve never seen anything like it.”  He looked up at Chris and Sebastian.  “Gentlemen, gently roll Miss Kennedy onto her back again, please.”  They did so then the doctor asked them to please step back and away from Cam.  Just as the words left his mouth, Cameron began to convulse again.  Dr. Ridley signaled to the EMS crew.  “Bring the stretcher here, boys.  She’s got to go to hospital right now.”  The medics took the doctor’s place at Cam’s side while the physician stepped back and pulled out his phone as he asked Linda where Cameron was receiving her cancer treatments.

            “She’s being treated at St. Mary’s in Paddington,” Linda answered, her eyes following every move the paramedics made.  She watched as they attached portable machines to Cam to monitor her blood pressure and other vitals.  She heard Dr. Ridley call St. Mary’s and tell them to expect an ambulance carrying a twenty-five year old female cancer patient who was seizing…

            Suddenly, the monitoring equipment emitted a loud whistling sound.  “Oh my God, she’s coding!” Linda yelled as the medics scrambled to pull out the portable defibrillator they brought with them.  She went to her knees, ripped open Cameron’s shirt and began CPR.

            The doctor yelled something into his phone then ended the call.  He dropped to his knees next to Cameron and grabbed the electrode pads from one of the medics, who’d already started charging the defibrillator, and attached them to Cameron’s chest.  “Everyone get back, stand clear, stand clear!” the doctor shouted.  Linda stopped CPR and she and Dr. Ridley watched as the automatic external defibrillator analyzed Cameron’s heart rhythm.  Finding none, the doctor shouted clear once more and pressed the button to administer a shock.

            Chris, shock and horror etched on his handsome face, tried to go to Cameron but was held back by Sebastian, who’d wrapped his arms around his friend’s body in an effort to keep him still.  “Chris, don’t.  You can’t do anything for her.  Let the doctor, Linda, and the medics help her.  You’re only going to get in the way.  Please, Chris, let them take care of her.”

            Chris watched helplessly as Cameron’s life seemed to slip away.  He was aware of Sebastian’s voice, and the frantic shouts of the people working on Cameron and of Joe Johnston and some of his co-stars as they told people to keep away from the scene, but it all sounded like it was being filtered through water and everything seemed to move in slow motion.  Nothing was clear except the fact that Cam was currently lying on the floor in front of him, no pulse, no heartbeat.  She was…dead.  But…that was impossible, wasn’t it?  For Christ’s sake, the cancer didn’t kill her but a seizure did?  What the fuck?  She couldn’t be dead.  She couldn’t.  She had so much to live for… _they_ had so much to live for.  What was he going to do without her?  How in the bloody hell was he going to be able to go on without her?  Despite everything they’d talked about, despite Cameron forcing him to read that book about death and dying back in February, despite the possibility that this day could actually come, Chris was not the least bit prepared to watch the love of his life slip away from him.  He _was_ prepared to make every deal with God that he could to keep her alive.  Cameron Kennedy could not be dead.  She just couldn’t…

            Chris cried out as he watched Cameron’s body jump as Dr. Ridley administered the shock from the AED.  “Please, God, please, God…” he chanted softly as Sebastian continued to hold him, Seb’s own prayers mingling with Chris’.  For a long, hideous moment, time seemed to stand still as everyone watched the small heart monitor, silently willing it to start beeping and show a heartbeat.  There was nothing but a steady whine and a flat line across the monitor.  Chris began to shake and his breath hitched from the sobs he could no longer hold back.

 

 


	2. Floating

Cameron felt herself floating, drifting along on a gentle current, like when she went swimming with her siblings in the little brook near their home in Dublin.  But how was this possible?  She’d just been walking next to her new BFF Sebastian, talking about how filming was coming along that day.  There wasn’t a drop of water in sight; how could she be floating?  She looked around and saw nothing.  That’s when she heard sounds below her – frantic sounds, like shouting.  Such a commotion!  She turned her body so she could look down…and found herself looking at her own body, laid out on the floor, with wires attached to her chest.  Jesus, what was she doing like that, with her shirt ripped open and her chest exposed for all the world to see?  Thank God she’d worn one of her full coverage bras.  It was still sexy enough to make Chris’ mouth water when he saw it but it covered enough to keep her somewhat modest.  It also did a nice job at hiding the still-fresh scars from the lumpectomy.  Still, it wasn’t meant for public consumption.

She looked around and saw what seemed like chaos.  Linda and the set doctor – Dr. Ridley, wasn’t it? – and the paramedics from the on-set EMS crew were gathered around her.  It looked like they were…working on her?  Wait, those wires, that little machine the wires were attached to…was that a defibrillator?  Was she…was she having a heart attack?  Now wait just a fucking minute here!  She was only twenty-five years old!  It wasn’t enough she’d been diagnosed with breast cancer, now she was having a heart attack on top of that?  What the hell?!  This was a nightmare.  She was having a bad dream.  Any second now, she’ll wake up with Chris’ arms around her, his soft voice in her ear telling her that everything was going to be okay, that it was just a dream, and that he was here to look after her.  She glanced to the right of where her body was lying and saw Chris, his eyes red, his face blotchy, tears running down his cheeks, and Sebastian holding on to him for dear life – wait, was Sebby crying, too?  She looked around then and saw Chris’ co-stars and a bunch of other people standing around, their faces displaying varying stages of shock and disbelief and there were tears, lots of tears…then she heard the doctor shout, “Clear!” and saw her body jump in response to the shock from the defibrillator.  Oh dear, sweet baby Jesus, she _was_ dead!  This wasn’t a dream; this was an out-of-body experience.  She was watching herself… _die_.  No!  _No!_   This wasn’t supposed to happen!  She’d been doing so well, except for this recent round of chemo.  She’d survived the surgery with her breast pretty much intact; they’d gotten all the cancer, or so Dr. Rob had said, and once she was done with the post-op chemo and radiation, she was good to go.  She had to be extra diligent about her self-exams and get regular mammograms, and she wouldn’t be declared completely cancer free until she hit the five-year mark without incident, but she was on her way.  Hell, she had already gotten Gia and Josh to start dropping hints to Chris as to the kind of engagement ring she wanted.  She was ready to start planning her future with the man she loved.  _Damn it, where was it written that she was supposed to die from a fucking heart attack?_

Cam looked away from the drama below her and took in her surroundings.  It was gray and…cloudy.  If this was heaven, it was kind of a major disappointment.  Where was the welcoming committee?  Shouldn’t she at least have been greeted by the masters she paid homage to every time she played the violin or piano or conducted an orchestra?  Where were Bach, Mendelssohn, Beethoven, and Vivaldi?  Where were Bernstein, Toscanini, Stokowski?  She had hoped that when she crossed over, she would be met by all those musicians and artists she practically owed her career to.  She had hoped to at least _hear_ some of their music.  God knew enough amazing musicians had gone on before her to create the most incredible orchestra in the universe.  Maybe it was a way station of some type?  A holding area?  It had to be.  She couldn’t believe this was it, that her time had come.  She had so much more to do, to accomplish.  And she had Chris.  She had a lifetime of love with this amazing man to look forward to and now it was ending before it could really begin?  Five years with Chris was all she was going to get?  And what about her family, her closest friends?  She wouldn’t get to say goodbye to them, to her mam, her da, the kids, Josh, Gia.  She wouldn’t be able to say how much she loved them and what an enormous part of her life they’d always been and how she wouldn’t have gotten to where she was without them.  And to never again be able to sing with Josh; to be able to sit next to him on a piano bench and goof around, making up songs based on the things happening around them?  To not be able to help Gia raise the exquisite little Gio?  Oh, God, how that hurt.  The phrase _you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone_ never rang more true than right at this moment.  Heaven was going to be a lonely place until they all came up to join her.  She was going to miss them all but Chris?  He was the one she was going to miss the most.  Heaven may as well be a gray and cloudy place because Chris was the light, always had been…

No, this couldn’t be happening, this…ow!  Shit!  What the hell was that?  Ow!  Damn it!  Something was happening.  Something was pulling at her, and that something hurt like hell!  Oh, God, the pain was excruciating, like she was being torn apart from the inside out.  She looked down at Chris, saw the horror and sorrow on his face and that hurt just as much as whatever was pulling at her.  _I love you, Chris_ , she thought as her vision began to blur and darken, _I love you with all my heart and soul.  If there is some way for me to come back to you, I will.  Wait for me, a ghra, please!  I will come back to you, I will, I promise, I prom…_   Cameron was swallowed up by blackness.

 


	3. Waiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waiting is so very difficult...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not a doctor, I don't even play one on TV so take all the medical discussions with a grain of salt...

            Linda and Dr. Ridley watched as the AED continued to analyze Cameron’s heart rhythm.  Again, one wasn’t found so the doctor shouted clear and administered another shock.  This time the heart monitor came alive as Cameron’s heart started beating again.  “Oh, sweet Jesus,” Chris muttered as his knees buckled.  Sebastian and Neal McDonough, who played Dum Dum Dugan, one of the Howling Commandos, held Chris by the arms and slowly lowered him into a sitting position on the ground.

            “Get her on that stretcher and into the ambulance right now, boys!” Dr. Ridley ordered.  “We have got to get her to hospital before she codes again!”  He turned to Linda.  “You should ride in with her.” Linda nodded and turned to help the paramedics get Cameron on the stretcher.

            The doctor stepped over to where Chris was sitting on the floor, crying in relief, Sebastian and Neal still flanking him.  He crouched down and reached out to place his hand on Chris’ shoulder.  “Mr. Evans, have you filled out any paperwork that names you Miss Kennedy’s next of kin or, perhaps, her healthcare proxy?”

            Chris brought his red-rimmed eyes up to meet the doctor’s.  He nodded and said, “Yes, I’m listed as both.”

            “Good, good.  I suggest you follow the ambulance to St. Mary’s so you can be there should any medical decisions need to be made.”  He gave Chris a quick once over.  “Do you need anything to calm your nerves, Mr. Evans?”

            “No.  No, thank you.  I’ll be fine, I’ll be okay.”

            “All right.  God’s speed, Mr. Evans.  I wish Miss Kennedy all the best.”

            “Thank you, Dr. Ridley.  I appreciate all your efforts on her behalf.”  Chris shook hands with the doctor then watched as the older man stood up and went to check on Cameron as she was finally loaded into the ambulance.

            “Chris.” Kevin Feige, Marvel’s president and the producer of all the Marvel films, now crouched in front of him.  “I’ve got a car waiting for you to take you to the hospital.  Don’t worry about the costume for now.  I’ll send someone to the hospital later with your street clothes so you can change.  I don’t want you going to the hospital alone so I’m going to have Sebastian go along with you.”  Kevin looked up at Seb.  “Your street clothes will be sent over as well.  I need you to keep an eye on Chris, okay?”  Sebastian nodded.  He’d planned to go with his friend anyway.

            Kevin turned his attention back to Chris.  “Okay, it’s time to move, Chris.  The ambulance is about to head out.  Do you need help standing up?”  At Chris’ nod, Kevin stood up and he, Neal, and Sebastian got him up off the floor.  Kevin and Chris shared a quick hug, then Chris turned and gave Neal a hug as well.  With Sebastian’s arm around his shoulders, Chris headed to where the studio car awaited him.  He watched, his heart in his throat, as the ambulance slowly rumbled by, its driver mindful of all the people milling around the set.  Moments later, Chris and Seb were settled in the back of a black Range Rover and its driver hurried to catch up with the ambulance that was now on its way to St. Mary’s.

 

            A couple of hours later, Chris sat in the waiting room of St. Mary’s Coronary Unit, a fresh cup of hot coffee in his hands.  He was still wearing his costume, the handsome WWII captain’s uniform that Cameron swooned over every time she saw it on him.  He smiled to himself as he thought of the ton of photos Cam had taken of him wearing this uniform.  She was too much.

            “Hey, man, it’s good to see a smile on your face,” Sebastian said as he walked into the waiting room with his own fresh cup of coffee.  He, too, was still wearing his WWII costume.  It was obvious that in all the chaos in the aftermath of Cameron Kennedy having a seizure and a heart attack on the set, Kevin might have forgotten to send someone to bring them their civvies.

            Seb sat down next to Chris.  “What were you thinking that made you smile?”

            “Cam loves me in this get-up.  You can’t imagine some of the downright filthy things she’s said she’d like to do to me while I’m wearing this thing.”  He chuckled.  “Sometimes her brain to mouth filter doesn’t work so well.”

            Sebastian laughed softly.  “Come on, man, you’re gonna sit there and tell me you haven’t entertained a few of those ideas?”

            “No, I’m gonna sit here and tell you that we already have,” Chris said with a wicked smirk on his face.  He suddenly wished he had a camera handy so he could capture the look of total surprise on Sebastian’s face.

            “Okay, that’s enough.  I don’t want to hear any more about the debauchery perpetrated by you and my sweet friend Cameron.”

            Chris snorted.  “Your sweet friend Cameron can be a real wildcat sometimes.  Unfortunately, lately, those times have been few and far between.  Those chemo drugs they’ve been giving her have been really messing with her.  And now look,” he said softly, gesturing towards the door with his coffee cup, “they’ve almost killed her.”

            “You think it was the meds?”

            “Yeah, I do.  When Cam was getting chemo pre-op, she had her share of bad days but they were nothing like what she’s been going through for the last three weeks.  She’s lost twenty pounds overall since starting chemo, but she lost ten of those pounds in the last two weeks.  Her appetite is horrendous and when she does eat, she winds up throwing most of it back up.  She’s always tired, she forgets things from time to time, and her mood swings sometimes go from zero to sixty in no time flat.  It’s kind of hard to keep up with that kind of craziness.”

            “But you do it.”

            Chris nodded.  “But I do it.”

            “Because you love her.”

            “Because I worship the ground she walks on.”

            Sebastian smiled.  “I want that.  I want a love like the two of you have.  What you guys have is…such a blessing.  And it’s a thing of beauty to watch.”

            Chris bumped his shoulder against Seb’s.  “Thanks, bro.”

            Both men fell silent as they sipped their coffee and waited for word on Cameron’s condition.  Half an hour after they’d arrived at St. Mary’s, a nurse had explained to Chris and Sebastian that Cam wouldn’t need surgery – for the moment – because it didn’t appear that the heart attack had been caused by any blockages in the arteries.  However, they needed to continue closely monitoring her heart and do something about the violent seizures she was still having.  The nurse assured them that the doctor attending her would be out to talk to Chris the minute they got her stabilized.  That was two long hours ago.

            “I called Zack while I was getting coffee,” Sebastian said quietly.  “I was wondering if maybe Kevin had forgotten to send someone with our clothes.  It’s not that I’m not enjoying all the admiring glances and smiles I’m getting from the ladies but I’d much rather wait around in my own clothes.  I’m terrified I’m going to do something to mess this costume up.”

            Chris smiled.  “I was thinking the same thing, that maybe Kevin forgot.  What did Zack say?”

            “He said that Kevin hadn’t forgotten, he just wanted to give us time to get settled in here.  Kevin figured there would be a lot of paperwork and stuff like that for you to fill out and he didn’t want to bug either of us with something as trivial as making us change clothes.”

            Chris nodded.  “God, yeah, he was right about the paperwork.”  Chris, as Cameron’s next of kin and medical proxy, had been handed a thick sheaf of paper and a clipboard just after the nurse had spoken with them and was asked to get them done as quickly as possible.  It had taken him more than a half hour to fill everything out.  Then came the phone calls he had absolutely dreaded making, one to her parents and one each to his own mom and dad.  As expected, there had been a lot of tears on both sides of the Atlantic.  Thank God Sebastian was there with him.  Chris definitely needed that shoulder to lean – and cry – on.

            “Zack said he would be here with our stuff within the hour.  Good thing he had the presence of mind to get both our wallets and phones from our trailers before we left.”

            “He’s good like that.  Cam thinks he walks on water.”  Chris sighed.  “I wish they would get in here and tell us something.  The longer we wait, the more worried I become.”

            “Yeah, I hear you.  Hey, who’s going to pick Cam’s parents up at the airport?  I’ll go, if you need me to.”

            Chris smiled at his friend.  “Thanks for offering, Seb, but Liam said he was going to call Nigel and make pick up arrangements with him.  They’re all going to come, Liam, Isabella, and the kids.  It’s summer vacation so…” he trailed off.

            “So I’ll get to meet the whole family?” Sebastian asked with a sad smile.  “Not exactly the kind of circumstances I would have preferred.”

            “Yeah,” Chris said softly as he leaned back in his chair and rested his head against the wall.  His neck and shoulders were so stiff, it was painful.  “But, you’ll like them and they’ll like you.  You’re all a good bunch of people.”

            “Thanks, man.”

            Chris shook his head.  “No, Seb, thank _you_.  I don’t know how I could have gotten through the last few hours without you.  I owe you big.”

            “Not true.  Times like these are exactly what friends are for.”

            “See?  This is why Cameron adores you.  She’ll be so happy to know that you helped me out today.”

            “ _I’ll_ be happy to see her sitting up in bed with a big smile on her face while she tries to decide which of her cousins to fix me up with.”

            Chris chuckled.  “That wouldn’t be so bad, Seb.  She’s got a lot of really good looking cousins.”

            Sebastian opened his mouth to speak when a masculine voice came from the doorway.  “Mr. Evans?”

            Chris immediately stood and turned towards the voice, Sebastian following suit behind him.  “I’m Chris Evans,” he told the man with the dark blue scrubs and white lab coat.

            “I’m Dr. Samuel Campbell-Harris, Miss Kennedy’s attending,” he said as he walked towards Chris, his hand extended.

            Chris shook the doctor’s hand as he anxiously asked, “How is Cameron?  May I see her?”

            “Not just yet, Mr. Evans,” Dr. Campbell-Harris said as he peered over Chris’ shoulder at Sebastian.  “May I speak freely?”

            “Oh, yeah, sorry.  This is my friend and co-star, Sebastian Stan.  He’s close to Cameron as well,” Chris said as he watched the two men shake hands.  “You can speak freely in front of him.”

            The doctor nodded as he eyed their costumes.  “Yes, well, my nurse mentioned that you are an actor and that Miss Kennedy’s episode happened while she was visiting you on set.  Those are right handsome uniforms.  My grandfather served in World War II.  I remember seeing him in uniform during V-E Day celebrations.  But, that is neither here nor there.  Mr. Evans, has Miss Kennedy ever been seriously ill, that you know of?”

            Chris shook his head no.  “Other than the typical colds and flu – oh, and one bout of pneumonia after a world tour that put her in the hospital when she was sixteen – she’s never really been sick.”

            “So, no previous issues with her heart, then?”

            “None at all.  And I don’t believe there have been any issues with heart disease in her immediate family, grandparents on both sides included.  Just the cancer…that came from her mom’s side of the family…”

            Dr. Campbell-Harris nodded.  “Well, there doesn’t appear to be any real damage to her heart – no blocked arteries, no plaque of any kind, that sort of thing – so we can take care of her with medication.  However…” he paused for a moment as he checked the chart he held in his hand.  “Miss Kennedy continued to seize so we gave her anti-convulsants, which appear to have calmed her down considerably, however, the electrical activity in her brain hasn’t calmed as much as we would like so we’ve had to put her into a medically induced coma, just until she’s out of danger.  We’ll also be giving her a rest from chemotherapy.  We’re going to speak with her oncologist here at St. Mary’s as well as the head of her team – Dr. Robert Shapiro, is it? – back in New York to see exactly what chemo meds she’s been getting since resuming therapy after her surgery.  We’re going to test for any possible allergies to those meds. 

            “We’re quite certain it’s the chemo that triggered the seizures which, in turn, caused the cardiac episode.  Once testing is complete, we’ll give her some time to get the current chemo drugs out of her system before starting her on a new course of chemotherapy.  She’ll need a few more weeks of chemo before she starts radiation therapy.  We also want to make sure her heart is strong enough to take both chemo and radiation, since there will be some overlap between the two.”

            Chris and Sebastian simply gaped at the doctor.  “Wow,” Chris said as he attempted to process everything Dr. Campbell-Harris just told them, “that’s a lot to take in.  So, she’s in a medically induced coma?  My God.  For how long?”

            “At the moment, for however long it takes her brain activity to get back to normal levels.  Once that happens, we’ll stop the meds that induce the coma and let her come to naturally.”

            Chris dragged a shaking hand through his hair.  “She _will_ come out of it, won’t she?  I mean, she won’t stay like…like that?”

            “In a vegetative state?  No, once all the medications are stopped – all but the heart meds, that is – she should come out of it on her own.  I can’t tell you how long it will take for that to happen, but I am confident it _will_ happen.”  Dr. Campbell-Harris put a reassuring hand on Chris’ arm.  “She’s young and she’s strong.  She has to be if she’s fought cancer with this degree of success.  Today has been a major setback, yes, but she’ll get through it.  And it’s clear to me that she has a good support system.  Have faith, Mr. Evans.  We’re doing all we can for Miss Kennedy.  She’ll come back to you just as she was.”

 


	4. I Don't Want To Live Without You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris catches the comatose Cameron up on their day and reminisces about the first time he met her...

Chris sat by Cameron’s bed in her darkened room, holding her hand and watching the steady rise and fall of her chest.  She’d been asleep for five days.  Dr. Campbell-Harris had taken her off the coma-inducing meds the day before yesterday, satisfied that her brain activity had gone back to normal and that she was no longer in danger of seizing again.  He assured Chris that all her vital signs were normal, her heartbeat was strong and regular, and that now it was only a matter of time before she woke up.

Chris had asked for a cot to be placed in her private room on day one of her hospital stay.  He refused to leave the hospital, determined to be with her and watch over her and be the first to see her open those beautiful gray eyes he loved so much.  Cam’s family had arrived with – to his utter surprise – Lisa and Scott Evans in tow.  Liam Kennedy had them flown to New York to meet them for the flight to London on Cam’s private jet.  Isabella, Liam, and Lisa begged Chris to go home to Cameron’s London townhouse to get a proper night’s sleep but he stood his ground.  He wasn’t leaving her.  Knowing how stubborn Chris could be, especially when it came to Cameron, Lisa simply let him be and made it a point to bring him enough fresh clothes to last him a few days, and she and Isabella saw to it that he got more to eat than just hospital food.  After all, he had to keep up both his strength and his appearance – he was going to go back to playing Steve Rogers eventually.

Chris’ manager was able to get Marvel to give Chris ten days’ leave from filming _Captain America_ but no more than that, so everyone prayed that Cam regained consciousness before then otherwise Chris was going to be a mess if he was forced to go back to work with Cam still under.  Lisa asked him to at least go home every night once Cameron woke up.  Just as she anticipated, he simply said, “I’ll think about it.”

After two days, the entire staff on Cameron’s ward knew who Chris was and he quickly became a favorite among them, especially with the nurses who were taken by his looks, his charm, and his utter devotion to his girlfriend.  The staff doted on Chris, bringing him extra food and bedding, and explaining anything and everything they did to Cameron during their rounds.  At night, after Cameron’s steady stream of visitors had gone home, they would pass by her room and hear him talking to her.  He talked to her constantly.  It was both endearing and heartbreaking.

“Time for our daily recap, babe,” Chris said to Cam that fifth night.  He’d already eaten dinner, had a shower while the Kennedys and the Evanses were still around, and now he had on his nightly uniform of cotton pajama pants and a t-shirt as he settled into the comfortable chair the staff had found for him and launched into a rundown of everything that had happened that day.  “Your family and mine were here, as usual.  So was Groban.  He told me today that he’s gonna stick around for another couple of weeks but then he’s got to get back to New York.  He also told me to tell you he adores the shit out of you and to hurry up and wake up ‘cause he’s lost without you.

“Sebastian came by with Hayley, Dominic and Neal.  They hung out for a couple of hours.  Neal and the boys are the ones responsible for that really enormous penguin that’s sitting in the corner over there.  They heard about your thing for penguins and they searched high and low for that one.  It’s probably going to give me nightmares but you’ll love it.  By the way, Liam made the executive decision to distribute all the flowers you’ve been receiving to the other wards, except for the ones that have come in from close friends and family.  You’ve been getting a shit ton of flowers, babe.  I think just about every orchestra you’ve ever played with has sent bouquets.  It was getting overwhelming in here, like a flower market or something.  Oh yeah, John Williams sent you a really beautiful plant.  Isabella took that home tonight so she can look after it until you get home.  I left the card he sent in your bedside drawer; I know you’re going to want to call him when you wake up.  One more thing – and you’re gonna love this – your baby sister Kate has a raging crush on Sebastian.  She watches him when she thinks he’s not looking and she looks for all sorts of excuses to talk to him.  It’s freakin’ adorable, babe.  She thinks she’s hiding it pretty well but we all know it, including Seb.  But he’s been great with her, which actually might be a bit of a double edged sword, if you think on it.  Oh, well, it’s sweet, that’s really all you can say about it.

“So, today’s biggest surprise was the arrival of one Robert Downey, Jr. to see you.  He said there was no way he wasn’t going to come visit you.  The guy just loves the shit out of you, babe, wow.  It was really nice to sit and talk with him for a while.  I mean, it was, in part, thanks to him that I’m even doing _Captain America_.  He’s a great guy.  He brought you a small bouquet of flowers and a little stuffed schnauzer.  I can’t believe he remembered how much you like schnauzers.  It’s sitting over there on your bedside table, right where you can see it when you wake up.”  Chris paused as he took a drink of water.

“Sebastian is planning to come by again tomorrow – much to Kate’s unending joy – and Kevin Feige and Joe Johnston are coming with him.  I told you that Tommy Lee Jones, Stanley Tucci and Hugo Weaving were here on day two, right?”  He chuckled.  “You have to see the faces of the staff as all these big stars wander in and out of your room, sweetheart.  Their reactions are pretty funny.  You’d get a kick out of it.

“So, today’s second biggest surprise was when Ben Barnes showed up.  That was actually very cool of him to come see you.  He talked to you for a little while but we all gave him his space so I don’t know what he actually said to you.  My mom and Scott were out of their minds with curiosity, though.  He and I spent some time together out in the waiting room.  I haven’t seen him since the Vanity Fair _West Side Story_ photoshoot. He really is a pretty nice guy, Cam.  I know I resented the hell out of him while you guys were dating, especially since he’s so damn good looking and you two looked great together but, after getting to know him a little during the photoshoot and spending time with him today, I have to admit, he’s cool.  When he left today, he gave me a hug.  I like to think we parted as friends.  I mean, I have nothing to be upset about anymore.  You wound up with the right guy, right?  You and I were always meant to be together, Cam.  I think we both knew it.

“I think back to the day we met all the time, babe.  Man, I can’t believe this month marks five years that we’ve known each other.  Time just kind of raced by, didn’t it?  But, like I said, I think back to the premiere party for _Fantastic Four_ and I remember seeing you in that pretty summer dress, that white one with all those red flowers on it.  You looked, oh man, good enough to eat.  Gorgeous, classy - hell, I could go on for days.  I remember thinking, now why couldn’t Jess wear something like that?  She opted for that weird flapper look – kind of an epic fail compared to you.  Hah.  I know the only reason I can get away with saying that is because you’re sleeping.  You’d have given me the evil eye by now.  I know you don’t like me to bring her up.  Sorry, honey, but I just wanted to tell you how impressed I was with the way you looked that night.  But I’m pretty much always impressed with the way you look, and it’s not because I love you like a madman.  You just make looking good easy.  You have amazing taste in clothes and with that pin-up girl body of yours, you make everything look so fantastic.  I know you’re pissed because the chemo has caused you to lose so much weight but you still have that gorgeous figure…just a little bit less of it.  No worries, though.  Both our moms have sworn they’re going to get you back up to fighting weight as soon as you’re done with chemo.  I’d take them at their word, babe.  Those are two pretty determined ladies.”

He paused and took another long drink of water.  “Getting back to the night we met – I spent some time watching you before we ended up in the meet and greet tent.  Jess was off talking to whoever so that gave me time to wander around and kind of gawk at everyone.  That was the biggest film I’d done to date and it certainly was the biggest premiere I’d attended and there were so many familiar faces there.  But then I noticed you and…wow.  I’ve told you time and again that I’d been a fan of yours since I was a teenager but seeing you on TV and stuff was nothing like seeing the real thing.  You were so fucking beautiful, and I absolutely loved the fact that you were with your two little brothers.  It was so sweet to see how they stuck by you, especially Lucas.  By the way, he’s been dealing with all this like a champ.  Liam said that he kind of lost it when he first heard about your heart attack but he’s been holding up really well since they arrived in London.  I’m sure you’ll be happy to know that.  I know how you dote on him.

“Anyway, I watched you that night.  I watched you talking and laughing with folks and with the entertainment reporters.  I couldn’t take my eyes off you.  I felt so drawn to you.  I knew even then that my relationship with Jess was in trouble but seeing you that night, and feeling that pull towards you, well, that totally brought home how much trouble she and I were really in.  I knew that I was going to do everything I could to meet you and talk to you…and get your number somehow.  I knew that I could never cheat on Jess – even though she’d already cheated on me; she just didn’t know I knew – but I wanted, no, I _needed_ to get to know you.  I’d never, ever felt anything like that in my life.  When I saw you standing alone in the meet and greet tent, I knew that was my chance.  It was no accident that you bumped into me at the refreshment tables, babe.  I deliberately stood close enough to you that you had no choice but to bump into me.  And – God, it had to be fate – Jess had already decided to leave by then so I had all the time in the world to talk to you.  The minute you looked into my eyes and spoke to me in that sexy Irish brogue, I was lost.  I’m not ashamed to admit it.  I fell just a little bit in love with you that night…and I haven’t stopped falling.  Don’t think I ever will.”

Chris squeezed Cameron’s hand then stood up and walked around her bed towards the windows.  Night had fallen across London and he stared out at the twinkling lights of the city proper.  Cameron loved London as much as she loved Dublin and New York.  Now that he’d seen all three cities through her eyes, he loved them too.  While he didn’t know when and where he was going to propose to her, he’d already decided that they would be married in Ireland.

“I think everyone has someone that is meant just for them.  I really believe that.  I guess you’d call it a soulmate or something.  I’m pretty sure that people don’t always meet their soulmates under ideal conditions; I think that’s what happened to us,” he said as he continued to stare out the window.  “If I’d been free the night we met, I would have pursued you like a fiend.  You were the one.  I just knew it.  I couldn’t begin to tell you how I knew it; I just did.  We might have been married by now; engaged, at the very least.  But, over the years, you told me that maybe things happened the way they did because we needed to be sure what we had was forever.  And, you’re probably right.  We were both pretty young – which kind of doesn’t make sense when I say that considering I’d been with Jess since I was nineteen.  But, at that point, you hadn’t had any real romantic experience and my swooping in when you yourself were only twenty might have actually spelled disaster for us.  The waiting was hard as fuck, Cameron, but in the end, it was worth it.  Look at what we have now, babe.  We’re so great together.  I’m so happy, so fulfilled.  And I’m full of hope, Cam.  Hope that you’ll get past all of this – the cancer, the chemo, those seizures…that damn heart attack.

“Cameron, I don’t think I’ll ever truly be able to express how scared I’ve been since Dr. Rob confirmed the cancer diagnosis.  And I don’t think I’ll ever be able to articulate the utter terror I felt when I watched you flatline the other day.  You _died_ , Cam; your heart stopped beating.  It was only a couple of minutes but they were the longest couple of minutes of my life.  I mean, come on.  The chances were excellent I wasn’t going to lose you to cancer but I wound up almost losing you to a cardiac episode?  What kind of sense did that make?  None.  None at all.  But you fought your way back.  You came back.  To me.  I know that sounds selfish but, hey, whatever.  You came back to me.  You knew I’d be lost without you.  You knew that I don’t want to live without you.”

Chris turned away from the window.  “Our story isn’t finished yet, Cameron.  We’ve got a bunch more chapters to write, together.  Our story so far would make for some pretty interesting reading:  how we got from there to here and the things we did along the way.  But I think what’s to come will make for an even more compelling read.  We’ve got so much left to do together, don’t we, babe?  We’re going to work together next year – I’m really excited about that – and we’re going to get engaged, sooner rather than later, for your information.  Then marriage…kids…I’m excited about our future and really looking forward to all the adventures we’ll have and the trouble we’ll get into.  Good trouble, not bad trouble.  I know enough not to piss you off.”  Chris approached the bed and stared down at the comatose figure of the woman he loved.  “And we can continue writing our story as soon as you wake up, babe.”  He leaned over and tenderly caressed Cam’s face.  He pressed a gentle kiss to her lips.  “Just wake up, babe, please,” he whispered.  He straightened and continued to watch her for a few more moments.  He shook his head, sighed then turned and walked back to the window.  He stared blindly out at the city below him, hot tears coursing down his cheeks.

Chris didn’t know how long he’d been standing at the window when he heard a soft, hoarse voice say, “Good Lord, this must be heaven because look at that view.”  He stiffened then turned slowly towards the bed.  Cameron was watching him, a small smile on her face.  “You’re too far away from me, my love.  Kindly bring yourself – and that perfect ass – over here so I can touch you.”  She extended a shaking hand toward him.

Chris walked to the bed.  He took her outstretched hand in both of his and smiled though his tears.  “Hi, sweetheart.  My God, it’s good to see you.  How long have you been awake?”

“I’m not sure,” she said, her voice weak and raspy from disuse.  “I felt you kiss me and I heard you ask me to wake up.  By the time I opened my eyes, you were standing at the window.  You looked so beautiful, with the moonlight on you and all, that I just watched you for a while.  You seemed so far away.  I didn’t want to scare you by just calling out your name.”  She gave him a small smile.  “Have I told you lately how much I truly appreciate your ass?”

Chris laughed softly.  “Not as much as I appreciate yours.”

Cam’s smile widened.  “How long have I been unconscious?  I’m assuming it’s been a couple of days.”

“Five days.”

She arched an eyebrow in surprise.  “Wow.  Well, I guess that explains a lot about how I’m feeling.  Lay down with me, _mo ghra_.  I have a feeling you’ve a lot to tell me.”

“I really should go get the nurse, sweetheart.”

“No, my love.  I’ve been without you for too long.  Even asleep I knew you weren’t lying beside me.  Please,” she said as she gingerly scooted over to make room for him, “lay with me.  Talk to me.”

Chris climbed into bed with her, happy beyond description to have her awake and in his arms again.  “I’ve been doing nothing but talking for the last five days, babe.  It’s a wonder I’m not completely hoarse.”

“I know.  I think I heard bits and pieces of your monologues.  But I just want you to tell me how I went from arriving on set to ending up here.  The Cliff Notes version, if you will.”

Chris nodded and told her what had happened as she snuggled against him.  Just as he was finishing his story, a nurse walked in and for the next hour, the room buzzed with all kinds of activity as Cam was poked and prodded while Chris was relegated to sitting on his cot and watching the goings on.  When the excitement of her awakening finally died down, Cameron asked a nurse to help her brush her teeth and wash her face since she found she was still too shaky and weak to do it on her own.  Soon, Chris and Cameron were finally alone.  Cam patted the bed next to her and scooted over once again.  Chris happily climbed in and gave her a long, sweet kiss.  When they parted, Chris whispered, “Sweetheart, I love you so much.  Promise me you won’t put me through this again.”  He winked at her and smiled.

Cameron gave a little laugh.  “I love you very much, too, Chris, _mo ghra_.  And I’ll see what I can do about, you know, not dying on you again.”

“That would be greatly appreciated, thanks.”

Cameron gave a throaty laugh and leaned over to meet Chris’ soft lips.  As he deepened the kiss, Chris sent up a prayer of thanks that he got his girl back.  She wasn’t completely out of the woods yet, but she was on her way there…and he was all set to make the journey with her, wherever the road led them.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's a wrap, good people. I think it's time to take a break from the Someday universe and I figured this would be a good place to stop. After all, Cameron lived (as if I would kill the poor girl off after everything she and Chris have been through!!!!). Who knows? After I'm done with "Think of Me," I may come back and visit with Chris and Cameron in present day...after all, they're married now and expecting a little Cap of their own...but, we'll see.
> 
> Thank you to all who've gone through this journey with me, especially those who left kudos or took the time to comment. You all rock and are greatly appreciated by this humble writer. Cheers!


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